Interview with an Ethan

I saw this over on All & Sundry and I just had to conduct my own with Ethan. I asked him if I could ask him some questions and he was all “Sure!” and “This’ll be fun!” but 2 questions in and I found myself bribing him with frozen waffles to get the rest out of him. But whatever, it worked. I was entertained by his answers, as I usually am, by whatever he says. Before I had kids, I wondered how I’d fake laugh at all the “funny” (read: “dumb”) things they say. I wondered how my own mom did it. But lo! It turns out that when it’s your kid saying the “funny” stuff, you (often) find it actually funny. That, or you’ve lowered your standards. Probably both.

Anyway, here’s Ethan’s first official interview, at age 3 years, 11 months (I say “first” because it is only a matter of time before the world’s first future President/astronaut/rock star/mailman/garbage man/pony man (no IDEA what that is… but it’s intriguing, no?) shows up on Larry King Live):

What is something I always say to you? “Toys?” “I say that to you?” “Yeah… ” “Really?” “Yeah, you say ‘Ethan, you wanna get a toy?'” (My guess is he was trying some reverse psychology here. Clever… but it didn’t work.)

What makes me happy? “Pooping in the potty!”

What makes me sad? “I don’t know.”

How do I make you laugh? “Funny things, like when I put underpants on my head.” (This is very true.)

What do you think I was like as a child? “You liked baseball.” (I did not.) (I still do not, for the record.)

How old am I? “Five.”

How tall am I? “Tall tall!” <points to ceiling>

What do I do when you’re not around? “Play games with Daddy, and sneak through my room to check on me.”

If I become famous, what will it be for? “BARACK OBAMA! Barack Obama says noooooooooo.”

What am I really good at? “I’m good at baseball!” “Yes, you are, but what is Mommy good at?” “I don’t know.”

What am I not really good at? “I don’t wanna answer that one.” <1 hour later, comes back> “I wanna answer that question now….” “Ok, what’s your answer? What am I not good at?” “Getting pants.” (?)

What is my job? “I don’t know that either.” “Well what do I do all day?” “Play games. Pirate games. And… that’s all.” (In his dreams, maybe.)

What is my favorite food? “Apples? And waffles.”

What makes you proud of me? “Nothing!” (Ouch, kid.)

What makes me proud of you? “Pooping in the potty.”

What do you and I do together? “Crafts! And… eat.” “Anything else?” “No, that’s the end.”

How are we the same? “We both have green!”

How are you and I different? “I’m a boy and I have toys, and you’re a girl and you have girl stuff. Like, makeup. And no toys.”

How do you know that I love you? “Hearts.”

What is one thing you wish you could change about me? “Oliver.” “What do you mean??” “You can change his diaper.”

What do you wish you could go and do with me? “Be astronauts. And Army men. I’ll be the green ones. This is me, see, this one here. And this one is Mommy, and they need to go get ready… <5 minutes of strategic Army talk passes> Can I get the waffles out now?”

*****

Conclusion: To Ethan, I am a tall, tall 5-year-old who is easily manipulatable and does nothing but play pirate games and buy him toys. While pants-less.

I had fun doing this. Ethan didn’t, as evidenced by his fidgetyness and request for waffles every 2 seconds, which I omitted from the interview, you’re welcome. He did have fun wolfing those suckers down, though. I plan to ask him these questions again in 6 months to a year or so, to see if anything other than the item with which I must bribe him with changes. (I’m thinking that 4-year-old is to waffles as 4.5-year-old is to tickets to Sesame Street Live! or Vegas or some such, but my knowledge of children of that age range is limited, so I could be wrong. Time will tell!)