Snap-crackle-squish: an update

24 04 2009

I’ll be brief here, because honestly, an entire post related to bugs, an entire comments section related to bugs, and DUDE I’ve had enough! I’m going to be feeling all creepy-crawly and shuddery for the next week. *shudder*

(AGH something just flew by my head! WHAT is going ON?)


So the uh, update. I put the baby gate up in the doorway this morning to keep the boys from knocking my Swiffer/Lipton-stand-in down, and they hardly even noticed it, so there were no problems there. But then after reading parkingathome’s comment about how she had a friend who used to trap bugs with overturned cups, and then went back to check AND THE BUG WAS GONE… Well. I couldn’t NOT go look after that, right? I mean, if it WAS gone, I had a very important decision to make: do I go on a spider hunt, or grab my boys and my nearly-completed disaster preparedness rolling suitcase (which will henceforth be known as my DPRS, pronounced “diapers,” because that title is 4 words too long, yo) and get the heck outta the house?*

Oh my goodness, people. I WILLINGLY crept up to the Swiffer, and I WILLINGLY very very very very slowly started to lift the handle, promising myself I’d stop IMMEDIATELY at the site of a leg… But it never came to that. Before I could see any evidence of it’s carcass, I heard the evidence. And if I wasn’t completely grossed out before, the combination crackly-stickyness sound it made did me in FO SHO.

So huuuuuge sigh of relief, it was still there. This was not only a good thing because it meant I didn’t have to make that important stay-or-go decision, but also because there was a pretty big part of me that wanted Jeff to see this thing. He is used to me going all girly over bugs and describing even the little ant-sized things as “enormous.” So me just saying to him that this one was big wasn’t enough. Its body, NO JOKE, was probably the size of a half dollar coin, but that did not even account for what the legs added. Including those, we are talking A BUG THE SIZE OF THE PALM OF MY HAND. That goes crackly-splooooshy-crack when you try to move it’s dead body EW.

Jeff got home around dinner time tonight, but due to some neighborhood drama (which I’ll tell you all about later), he did not get to see the body until he’d been home for awhile. I will remember his reaction always: “Holy cow. That’s freaking huge. Like tarantula size.”

I KNOW, right?

Also, I should totally be on the lookout for his brothers now, huh? Eeeeeeeeuck.

*Can I just say, how convenient is it that I started putting together my DPRS a mere day before this particular disaster struck? And also, I have to admit, in those 30 minutes I stood frozen in the face of “danger” trying to figure out what to do, I seriously considered grabbing the boys (who were asleep in bed, for goodness’ sake!) and grabbing my DPRS (hehehehe) and leaving. Even if it meant sleeping in the car with the two of them. Why stop there? Honestly, I actually entertained the thought that we’d have to move out. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but no, for a solid 5 minutes, I was convinced that leaving the house was my only option. They were a chaotic, irrational 30 minutes, they were.



One response

29 04 2009

I wonder if the fire department ever gets calls like that? ‘I need help! There’s a crawling thing as BIG AS MY HEAD in there!!!!!’

I’m a little disappointed that there are no photos, but also, I think, relieved. Have you found the thing on the internet, so you know what it was?

Maybe you need an exterminator. One with a Ghostbusters-sized extermination can. Bleggghhhh!

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