Tell me its normal

20 02 2009

Let’s start with the positives, shall we? It isn’t raining today; it’s slightly sunny, and almost nice outside. That’s good, right? And thinking it was going to be gray and rainy today, I didn’t bother to straighten my curly hair, and it (my hair) has surprised me by not being frizzy and gross-looking. A cute hair day is always a good thing. Um… Jeff comes home in 2 days… and… I’m having trouble thinking of anything else. Oh, I know; I saved myself probably $50 by not going to Whole Foods this afternoon, as I’d planned. Why didn’t I go, you ask? Well, that brings me to the negatives…

My 3-year-old is SUCH a 3-year-old lately. I won’t go so far as to call him evil. But he is definitely BFF with the Naughty Chair. Today was a particularly bad day, one filled with time-outs, naughty chairs, crying, etc. The negativity from him has easily overshadowed those positives today. Negativity that has had me in tears at one point, and calming those tears with a Little Debbie snack cake (or two) at another.

We had a rough morning. He’s mean to his baby brother, CONSTANTLY knocking him down whenever he gets within 3 inches of him. (Seriously, who knocks down babies? Who? Aside from like, the Grinch, I mean. I bet the Grinch does it.) He talks back to EVERYTHING I say, despite consistent use of my Nice Voice, even though what I want to be using is my Screamy Irritated Voice. Calls me names, hits me, refuses to do as he’s told. It was an exhausting morning.

But! He said he wanted to be nice, and he wanted to go to music class. I didn’t believe him 100% that he was going to follow through with the nice, but I’ve already paid for the classes, and he rarely ever gives me problems when we’re around other people. So I pretended like I believed him (I was hoping he’d gotten everything out of his system, too) and we went. And oh how I wish we hadn’t.

There was more knocking down of the toddler brother (who, let’s be honest, walks like a drunkard to begin with), more hitting, more talking back, etc. etc. So I found a chair off to the side of the room and, after one particularly nasty comment, followed by him smacking me in the mouth, I told him to sit there and not get up until I said to, that he wasn’t going to be involved in class if all he was going to do was misbehave.

Oh the poor child who thought it was a good idea to climb up into the chair next to him. She’ll never make THAT mistake again, will she? Not after my child attempted to take a swing at her for doing so. I’m appalled. And so embarrassed! This is my kid? MY kid? I have THAT kid now? I felt like such a failure, while all the other mothers pretended not to notice my angry, violent child, and my CLEARLY frustrated breathing. I just wanted to cry.

It seems like we have more and more days like this lately. It’s incredibly frustrating, for both of us. I know he doesn’t want to be naughty and mean, he tells me this. And I feel defeated and confused; how much of this is normal behavior for a 3, almost 4, year old? Is it just going to get worse, the older he gets? To top it off, I see Oliver starting to mimic some of the behaviors he witnesses his brother expressing. I know I need to balance that by showing Oliver calm and responsible behavior myself, but I worry that it won’t be enough. He’s already screaming when he’s angry at Ethan for wrenching a toy right out of his hands (who wouldn’t be?) and has even hit Ethan a number of times, because he’s seen Ethan do the exact same thing to him.

Do you see that? That frayed thing right there? That is the end of my rope. And here I thought he’d be at least 13 before I reached it! Pass the Little Debbies, please.

Monday, February 16 through Thursday, February 19, 2009

Necessary:

$45.44- More groceries OMG WILL IT NEVER END

$18.00- Post delivery subscription

$18.49- Netflix

$56.00- some other bill I can’t remember

Unnecessary:

NADA


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4 responses

20 02 2009
aliasmother

Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Perhaps you need to step up from the Naughty Chair to the, I dunno, Naughty Cage? Naughty Straitjacket? Ruthless and determined stripping away of everything he holds dear?

I have no idea.

On the other hand, you now have me craving a Little Debbie’s like nobody’s business.

20 02 2009
astarte

For us, 3.5-4.5 was the WORST age EVER, for both kids. In fact, we were just talking about that with some friends last night, about how bad that time was. That’s when they realize that you can’t actually control them as much as they had thought you could, and that they can express themselves however they want. I think you need to drop the nice voice and let him see you upset. Hitting the baby makes it time for the big voice. Him saying he wants to be nice isn’t enough – he knows what he’s supposed to do, and is choosing not to do it. I know not everyone embraces this tactic, but when our kids behaved like this, particularly Patrick, who was more physical, I used the ‘do unto others’ method with him – if he hit me, I smacked his bottom; if I caught him pulling on the cat’s tail, I pulled his hair. Before I did it, I let him know what was going to happen and why, and then afterwards, he would sit on my lap and we would talk about it. I really think that at that age, they have no empathy because they have no basis for understanding, so I gave him that. He never pulled the cat’s tail again after that. I don’t advocate repeated spankings, etc, but I think with kids that age, their ability to rationalize is small, so talking isn’t always the best answer. After the only time I ever swatted his cheek (because he smacked me one in the grocery cart one day), all I ever had to do when I saw him raise his hand was ask him if we were going to hit each other again, and he stopped.

22 02 2009
jenefur

Hey, back to the Auntie Annes pretzels… you can sign up on their website for monthly coupons… http://auntieannes.com/email_signup.aspx 🙂

I tried to just email it to you but Yahoo was having some issues this morning.

25 02 2009
Sara

Normal

I thought I’d go crazy when my older son was three. Now my younger son is three. I have told and told and told older son that he was teaching younger son how to treat him. And older son just kept right on bullying younger son. In the meantime younger son became tougher than older son because he was always getting the worst end of the stick. Now younger son is tougher, bolder, and there isn’t much different in their size. Younger son beats up on older son and puts a hurting to him.

Of course I have to disciplin younger son but I do so while reminding older son how much fun he had pushing bubby down and hitting bubby when bubby wasn’t so big, and now it’s not NEAR as fun when bubby can hold his own.

I have a feeling older son will never learn though, and this will be repeating through the years.

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