FAIL

6 02 2009

I feel as though I’ve aged 9 or 10 years in the past five days. I’m thinking that it’s very obvious, too (the dark undereyes, wrinkles that have suddenly appeared, my exhausted expression), even to people who don’t know me. It has to be, because why else did every single person I walked by yesterday make the same, “boy, you’ve got your hands full!”, “wow, I’m tired just looking at those two!” type of remarks? I can seriously count 6 different strangers who said things like this to me yesterday. Three of them were employees of the stores I was in, the other three just random shoppers. Who apparently felt it was their duty to comment on my inadequacies.

Well, it’s no wonder I look and feel older; in five days’ time I went from a stay-at-home-mom, who kept up the house (for the most part), played with her boys (when she wasn’t on her computer), and ran the odd errand here and there, to a SAHM who moonlights as a student and OH YEAH is also the solo parent for the time being. All the extra work has gotten me totally off schedule, staying up till 1 or 2, but yet still getting up at 6ish with the boys, with nary a moment to even sit down during the day. I’m left wondering just how the parents who really are single do it? I’m very grateful that my other (less productive, but still) half will be returning in a few days.

And now, I have a horrible secret that I need to get off my chest. I’m so ashamed. It’s hard for me to even type this… but… I gave in yesterday. I went to Target. I know! I KNOW. And not just Target, but like 3 other places, too. But in my defense, I went with a list in hand, and did not stray from the list whatsoever. I had to buy new jeans because you know how there are those people who find a pair of jeans they like and then they pretty much live in them? I’m one of those people. I have this pair that are the only pair I’ve been able to find for years and years that fit me. I have a very oddly shaped body and no butt AT ALL, and most of the jeans I’ve seen? They come with room for a butt.

So I had these jeans that I would wear almost every day (although not in the house; I only ever wear pj pants in the house, Jeff too- the moment we walk in the door, the first thing we do is take off our shoes, second thing change into pj pants). I own other pants, but not of them fit right. These ones fit. And so due to the constant wearing and washing, I knew the end was near. I knew it, but I didn’t want to think about it. And so yesterday I found myself in tears over a hole in my favorite jeans, a hole that I’d long been expecting but was grieving over nonetheless.

And can I just say that the idea of taking a 13-month-old and a 3.5-year-old shopping for jeans with me was at the very smack bottom of the list of things I would like to do? And I know it’s no-spend-month, I know, but c’mon. If not for the hole, I wouldn’t have made the exception.

As luck would have it, I liked and bought the first two pairs of jeans I tried on (out of a total of only 5 pairs, which is really amazing for me). My other secret? I have to buy my jeans in the junior’s section. Probably thanks to the no-butt thing. (It turns out that I will be returning one of the two pairs, though; something to do with the magical properties that all fitting room mirrors possess to make anything look good on you at the store, but look completely wrong in other, non-magical, real life mirrors.)

And so also, there was some Target. But! This one wasn’t my idea. No, this was at the insistence of Ethan, whom, if you’ll recall, was the recipient of a package of underpants at our last Target outing. Underpants, I might add, that he picked out himself. But then later decided that he HATED and REFUSED to wear. It wasn’t so much Spiderman and Hulk that he had a problem with; no, he specifically blamed this on the Silver Surfer. Whose shinyness apparently offended him in some way. So we had to go exchange them for Cars underpants. Logically.

And then I also got a few other things while there- things that I totally would have waited out the no-spend month to buy, but since I was there already, well… you know. I needed some lined paper to take notes on, because the only paper I could find in our whole house had ligers all over it, and it made it hard to see what I was writing. Darn mythical creatures.

liger

Oh well. At least I get to be proud of myself for sticking to my list; that in itself is a feat for me, especially at Target, The Land o’ Plenty. (Also quite proud of the fact that I walked right on by Auntie Anne’s, by the way.) It helped knowing that later in the evening I’d sit down at my computer and have to type out everything I bought, as per my vow to keep myself accountable.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009:

Necessary:

Verizon- $88.68

Electricity- $71.64

Student Loan- $172.65

Safeway- $19.94

Post Office- $13.80

Unnecessary:

Macy’s (jeans)- $73.46

Target (notebook paper, binder, dividers, highlighters, pens (why do we only have purple pens in our house?), index cards (I’m big on flash cards), cough drops and Tylenol cold medicine) (oh, and Cars underpants, but those don’t really count since we exchanged the other ones)- $24.24 OFFICIALLY THE LEAST AMOUNT I’VE EVER SPENT IN THIS STORE EVER

For awhile after we got home, I was disappointed in myself for having failed. Like, here I am only 4 days in, and already I’ve fallen off the wagon? Well, what’s the point in even getting back on? But I’m over that. It was one day. There are 23 left. I’m still going to try.


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3 responses

6 02 2009
Stephanie of Stopbouncing

24.24 at target?
How do you do it?!

6 02 2009
astarte

How on earth did you keep the things in the cart from multiplying with each other?! I NEVER get out of there for that little money!!!!

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You need pants. It’s not like you can leave the house without them, or at least and not get arrested.

7 02 2009
Nora

I went to Target this week too, for a pair of shoes I really do need (plus I made a sale on Etsy and had to spend three quarters of that money right away) and then broke the bank in the $1 spot. I thought of you.

Also? I totally understand you about the jeans. I have one pair I have loved and worn faithfully for over two years and they just sprung a knee-hole this week. I think you should file jeans under “necessary” because really, they are!

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