Other people’s shoes and all that

26 08 2008

What a sucktastic day. I can’t put my finger on what exactly was so awful, but I’m pretty sure that starting our day shortly after 6am had something to do with it. That’s the time that Ethan woke up, heard who he thought was me in the shower (it was Jeff; I was actually still in bed, fixin’ to sleep till 7:30 or 8, if possible), and got excited. He turned on his lamp and shouted, “Wake up, Oliver! The sun is out, it’s da morning!” I could hear Ollie on the monitor roll over and start to cry. “It’s okay, Ollie! Mommy’s in the shower, and when she gets out she’ll make us breakfast. Do you want some cereal, baby? Mommy will get it, it’s okay! I’m here, Ollie, don’t cry.”

Touching, isn’t it? He can be a good big brother when he wants to be. *COUGHbaby-face-puncherCOUGH* As touching as it was, I was not at all ready to get up. I’d been up for awhile with both of them from 4 to 4:30 or so, and so I felt like I’d just fallen back to sleep. I was grumpy, and tired, and just plain in a bad mood. And that is a horrible way to start a day, because the mood has lingered, and has in fact only gotten worse as the day has gone on. I’ve found myself yelling at Ethan for things that are typical 3-year-old doings, things that I should be able to keep my cool over and yet can’t/don’t.

And don’t even get me started on the vast amount of poop that I have wiped/scrubbed today.

When I finally had a few moments to myself this afternoon, I flipped on the TV. Ethan had been watching some shows on TLC earlier this morning, and so that’s what channel it was tuned to. The show that was on was “A Baby Story,” a show that I used to love and watch all the time… before I had kids of my own. For some reason, I just can’t stand that show anymore. I don’t even really know why. Anyway, it happened to be an episode that I’ve seen once before, about a mother named Trina who had had cancer, was told she’d never get pregnant and miraculously did anyway. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, giving her older daughter a new sister. Then her cancer returned, and shortly after, she lost her battle and died, leaving her husband to raise her daughter and their new baby girl.

I sat on the floor and just cried my eyes out. I hugged Ollie hard, and I cried. I know everyone’s entitled to have a crappy day now and then, but here I was wasting precious time with my children by being angry, and short-tempered, and for what? Because they woke me up early? Because they can’t keep their poop in their diapers and/or underpants? Because they’re not so much into the napping?

Yesterday during our oh-so-fun trip to the grocery store, when Ethan was being infuriatingly naughty, I told him that he wasn’t going to get any Scooby Doo fruit snacks when we got home if he kept misbehaving. I said to him that it was EASY: all he had to do was just decide to start being a good boy. And then the yelling would stop, the anger would go away and we could enjoy each other and Oliver and have a much nicer time. And I think now that I need to tell myself the same thing. Maybe if I just decide to start feeling better, then I will. Positive thinking, and all that. I guess it’s worth a shot. Here’s what I’m doing to make myself feel better:

-I got dressed in a cute outfit. My normal everyday-wear– sweats, tank top and flip flops– doesn’t do anything towards making me feel good. Cute outfits do.

-Reminding myself of how loving Ethan was with his little brother this morning. He didn’t get that way entirely on his own, right? I had at least a little bit to do with it… right?

-I’m doing some Christmas (or Christmas/birthday, in Oliver’s case) shopping online. Shopping is fun. Fortunately, we have a little extra cash right now that I can spend and not feel too guilty about. But even if we don’t have extra money, I can still get that shoppy high by browsing Amazon or wherever and creating a wish list, items to be ordered at a more financially abundant time.

-I’ve got a hunk of frozen peanut butter/chocolate chip cookie dough that I made and froze a few weeks ago thawing on the counter. A tray of warm cookies is on its way to mah mouth.

-I’m drinking lots of water. For some reason that I don’t fully understand, this helps. I know it makes my headache (that I’m ashamed to say I noticed the arrival of while I was yelling at Ethan) feel better.

-I lit a vanilla scented (think cake-y vanilla, not cheap vanillaroma) candle. The house will at least smell nice, even if it doesn’t look nice.

-I’m gonna stick Jeff with the boys later on so I can go for a walk, by myself.

-After the walk, I will shower for a luxuriating 20 minutes and return to my comfy sweats, tank top and flip flops.

-Repeating the mantra, Tomorrow is a new day.

Hopefully a new day that does not start before 7am.



2 responses

27 08 2008
RookieMom Whitney

Love your MO of thinking of what you can do for yourself to make up for the sucktastic day. For one, you are documenting all of this which is going to be such a great thing to look back on when the boys are older. I’m on a kick with the outfits. Trying not to leave the house in the yoga pants and flip flops. It does make me feel better about what I’m doing with my life if I wear something else.

Signed, Currently wearing a skirt even though the only places I went today were the pharmacy and Starbucks.

28 08 2008

Been there, been there, been there. I am in full support of getting away. Few things in this world make me feel better than a nice, solitary walk where I can simultaneously stretch my legs and hear myself think.

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