A cornucopia of sorts

20 11 2007

•I don’t know how many of you have ventured out to your local grocery store for yams, cranberry sauce in a can and biscuits already, but if you haven’t yet gone, might I suggest ordering your groceries online? Or even skipping it altogether and starting a new Thanksgiving tradition wherein you carve the chicken nuggets from the freezer and feast on Ramen? Because seriously, that would be better than risking your life in the MADHOUSE that is the market.

We went shopping Saturday, thinking we’d avoid the typical Sunday mob (which was sure to be even more mobby, given that it was also the last non-work day before the big day). That was not the case. Everyone in the world was there. And then of course we forgot a few things so I had to go back today. I figured a Monday morning, even with the approaching holiday, wouldn’t be that busy. And again I was wrong. The aisles were jammed, horns were honking, people were fighting over the last box of stuffing like it was a Cabbage Patch Kid. A woman literally rammed into my back with her cart, and did not even apologize. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO when we value the last packet of turkey gravy over the safety of a pregnant woman???

I hate the supermarket and I’m never going again.

•Uh, how perfect is this?

•Just found what I’m going to make for breakfast Thanksgiving morning. I dare you to look at these pictures and not salivate all over yourself.

•As of this morning, Jeff’s four more years is official. They got him a cake at work (but being the Army, made sure to save a buck by making it a combination ‘Congratulations’ and ‘Happy birthday’ cake). However, no one thought to provide a knife or serving utensil to go along with it, so Jeff had to cut it with a plastic butter knife (he only got as far as cutting half the cake before giving up out of frustration). Look at the half that he cut. I would say the image of that mangled cake pretty accurately displays my feelings concerning the four years he just signed away.


•Every Thanksgiving (all two of them) for Ethan’s whole life, I’ve traced his hand in order to make little turkey place cards for everyone at the table. Besides the fact that he went from having a hand the size of an infant to that of Andre the Giant, this year’s hand differed from the first year‘s and the second year‘s in that Ethan could participate in the craft significantly (first year he was five months old and just lay there drooling while I traced; second year, 17 months, he just ate paper feathers).

This year’s hand turkeys are done:


And now I find myself wondering what happens next year? There will be two boys. Two boys WITH HANDS. Whose hand gets the honor of being the turkey? Do we cease using Ethan’s hands, since they are no longer cute and tiny? Are his hands not good enough anymore? Do we stop the hand turkey tradition altogether? Do we do both boys’ hands, and give some people Ethan’s, some people new baby’s? And will this cause a family argument over who gets whose hand, that will ultimately end up in an all-out feud that lasts for years? If I stop the hand turkey tradition, will second born (and lesser loved, as I’m sure he’ll believe) use this as one more piece of ammunition against his parents who CLEARLY do not love him as much as they do their beloved first born? First born got the hand turkeys. There are literally thousands and thousands of photos of first born in his early years. First born gets to wear clothes not previously worn by another. First born has a name. First born is the favorite, THE FAVORITE, don’t deny it! How am I going to love both of them, equally? How can I avoid being a failure as a mother? I’m doomed! DOOMED.

The holidays are so stressful.





6 responses

20 11 2007

You make two turkeys – the big one can eat the little one! 😉

20 11 2007

What if you were to do Ethan’s hand and then put the new baby’s hand inside his?

20 11 2007
ethans oma

Awwwww….I love Ian’s idea !!!

20 11 2007

AndreAnna: Ethan would probably vote for your idea. 🙂

Ian: LOVE it. That’s what I’m gonna do.

20 11 2007

You can either have one boy do the hand part and the other do the foot part and mix them together.


21 11 2007

Hallie: Ooh, another good idea, thanks! It’s inspired another: what if I continued doing Ethan’s hands for the turkey body, and instead of cutting out the same feather shapes I’ve been doing all along, I could start using a tracing of new baby’s foot to make the feathers out of? That way, we’d continue to see Ethan’s hand growth over time, baby hand to man hand. AND we’d see some sort of comparable growth-over-time thing for new baby, too. Then they could BOTH love me, and I wouldn’t lose my parenting license!

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