13 11 2007

Or, The Making of a Gamer


Age: 11 days

Note: The subject is not quite old enough to realize the significance of the event taking place. What’s important here is the exposure.


Age: 7 weeks

Note: Again, we focus on early exposure; it matters not that the subject seems unaware of the controller he is “holding.” He needs to know that video games will be a constant in his life. Also of importance- the increased independence, as Dad is allowing him to “play” by himself. Much like letting go of the seat of your child’s bicycle.


Age: 4 1/2 months

Note: Now the subject has become aware of the object in his hands, and is fascinated by the buttons and the colors. Hello, Xbox, he says. We shall become great friends.


Age: 13 months

Note: Subject shows an increased awareness of the functions of the controller; there are many different buttons, and pushing them is enjoyable. The subject is also learning that successful gaming takes intense concentration, as evidenced by his teacher’s expression.


Age: 15 months

Note: Ah. Now here we see that the subject has reached an age at which he can comprehend that the action (pushing the buttons) has an effect (things move on the screen, and Dad yells). The subject, however, can not push buttons and observe the action on the screen simultaneously.


Age: 17 months

Note: The expression on the subject’s face is one of… is that… could it be? Boredom? Disinterest, perhaps? Here we see the influence of the subject’s mother coming into play. Or possibly the subject is exhibiting a common emotion (impatience) at having to wait for his turn.


Age: 22 months

Note: Clearly, taking part in this ritual causes the subject to experience a sense of belonging, comaraderie, that he is “one of the boys.” By this time, the subject has come to know and love the game console and views it as part of the family.


Age: 29 months

Note: The subject can now follow action on the screen, and comprehends that it is determined by the sequence of buttons/triggers that he applies (actions he can now complete simultaneously). Also of importance: at this stage he has acquired The Look (eyes glazed over and slightly unfocused, mouth ajar; if you were to speak to him at this moment, he would not hear you), a characteristic expression of one deeply involved in (virtual) battle or sport.

Projection: The subject will remain at this stage for another 20 years or so; over time, his skill level will continuously increase. Then at some point he’ll begin seeking a mate who is accepting of his lifestyle, and his goal will be to procreate and begin the cycle all over again.



11 responses

14 11 2007
ethans oma

You are a riot ! You know, there’s a writer’s strike going on in hollywood right now, and I’m positive you could make some extra Christmas cash, without even leaving VA.

14 11 2007

I am so forwarding this to my husband – this is hysterical!

14 11 2007

Those are so funny. I particularly enjoy the infancy descriptions.

14 11 2007

I am eagerly awaiting the day when my son- wait, my SONS!!!1, can join me on xbox live while we pwn the noob masses!

“Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son(s).”

14 11 2007
ethans oma

Jeff….please explain “pwn the noob masses” to me ? I’m old !

14 11 2007


18 11 2007
The Making of a Gamer « Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

[…] parent by the name of Jeff recently sent me a link to an article he thought I might enjoy. It was a blog entry written by his wife detailing their son’s first 29 months of life in regards to the exposure […]

18 11 2007
Alek (askiba)

Awesome! Reminds me of the guy who put headphones playing music from Zelda over his wife’s pregant belly, and the kid REALLY liked video games when he could learn to play them.

19 11 2007

“The subject is also learning that successful gaming takes intense concentration, as evidenced by his teacher’s expression.”


20 11 2007
A retort « Sublime Bedlam

[…] wanted to clear something up about a post I wrote last week, Evolution. It didn’t occur to me to mention this before, since the number of people that read my blog […]

23 11 2007

If you’re interested, I have the manual I used to raise my three little video gaming gods. I think the title is something like “You better not be playing that machine with them again”. The author is ‘Wife’…

Keep’em playin’, mom!

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