31 10 2007

Um, what happened to Halloween candy? Back in the day, I used to come home with a pillowcase full of Fun Size candy bars. Sure, there was the occasional Tootsie Roll here and there, maybe a lollipop, even a random (and sad) penny or nickel amongst the bunch. But I’ve just finished “checking” Ethan’s bucket of candy for “safety” (razors and cocaine-laced peanut butter cups), and it was nothing but a disgusting mess of gummy… things. Gummy hot dogs. Gummy hamburgers. Even a gummy ear, the packaging of which proclaimed “Gross Gummy Body Parts!” implying that while Ethan got lucky and only got an ear, some poor kid out there dumped out his bucket only to find a gummy toe, or a gummy elbow, or a gummy something-worse-but-equally-yucky. Something that should not have been gummy-erized. I mean, an ear? Why?

Ok, so it wasn’t all gummy body parts. I mean, there were the Dum Dums. All 732 of them. And, lest I leave them out, there were the random, unheard of stragglers that came from the garbage-sized economy size Value Bag of Mixed Candies. You know, the individually wrapped nugget of bubblegum, the ever-popular “Fancy Filled strawberry” candy, and the… what are these? Bubble gum? Jawbreakers? I don’t know, because their blank, clear cellophane wrappers sure aren’t talking. Also there’s the random football-shaped thing, covered in orange (orange! festive! it MUST be good) foil, that is hard as a rock. I’m pretty sure it’s a bullet.

What a pathetic haul. After we put Ethan to bed, we divided our “candy” three ways (hey, we worked JUST AS HARD, if not harder, than Ethan to get this stuff; he had to be carried for a while at one point, and at the first five houses we went to, not only did he refuse to say “Trick or treat!” but he also had to be pried out from his hiding place behind my legs, and even then he refused to open his eyes), with Jeff getting most of the gummy crap, Ethan getting some M&Ms, a plastic army man, a bag of Dora fruit snacks, and a bag of pretzels, and me taking what little of the “normal” candy there was.


But despite a pathetic haul, we had fun. Ethan had a blast (he did get the hang of it eventually and came out of hiding) and was exhausted when we got home. And he made an adorable dragon. These are some of the very observant comments he made throughout the night:

“Mommy, daaaaark. Not daytime.”

“Everybody gives candy.”

“BABY! A baby! Mommy, look, a baby!” (Totally oblivious to the Spidermen, princesses and ghosts walking by him. It’s the babies he notices.)

“That one scary.”

“I like candy.”

“Car make scary noises.” (Instead of having kids come up to her door, one woman sat in the back of her van (not at ALL shady… I wonder if she has any thoughts on where this cokey PB cup may have originated?) with a tape of scary ghost/wind/monster noises playing.)

“Baby! Mommy, ‘nother baby! (Pause…) Baby crying.”

“One skeleton walking.”

“I eat candy now?”

I think it’s safe to say that he enjoyed himself, and that tomorrow I’m going to find myself deep in discussion with a certain 2-year-old who will be trying to put on a dragon costume and go out trick-or-treating again.

And now we must get ready for Thanksgiving! Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here, aren’t I? First, I must get to a grocery store; there is some ACTUAL Halloween candy waiting for me there, ON SALE, with my name on it. Then Thanksgiving.

P.S. We have some really nice downstairs neighbors who, since they had planned to go trick-or-treating in a different neighborhood tonight, actually came upstairs, knocked on our door, and gave Ethan a bag of candy. I TOTALLY vote for Reverse Trick-or-Treating next year.



5 responses

31 10 2007
ethans oma

Awwww. I’m missing out on so much !! I wish I could have taken him trick-or-treating. I had LOTS of kids this year, but there was one special little one. He not only pushed my hand aside so that he could take what he wanted out of my candy bowl, but when he was done he pushed ME aside and came right in my house and started down the stairs !! I grabbed him on the last step and brought him right back to his mother, who was apparently hiding behind my butterfly bush, hopefully embarrassed by her son’s behavior ! Then I had another trick pulled on me, by the Starbuck Co. I bought a box of frozen frappuccino bars that I had been craving all week, and opened it up, only to find that they had cheated me out of THREE whole bars !!! there was supposed to be 6, but there was only 3 ! I am so gonna write to them, right now !

31 10 2007

ethans oma: How old was this “special” kid? And does he live next door? Does his mother happen to be the *naughty words deleted* (YOUR words, not mine) that we drove behind that one time?

Also, THREE BARS? How is that possible?

Also, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, now I want coffee ice cream. Way to go.

1 11 2007
ethans oma

okay, not the kid you’re thinking of, this one was only about 4, I think. Never seen him before.

THREE bars, I tell ya, THREE !! It’s possible ! And the starbucks ice cream people got a nice little email from me tonight. I am awaiting a shipment of at least THREE cases of free ice cream bars…..I think I deserve that much !

And, you’re welcome!

1 11 2007

It’s the opposite around here: everyone wants to be “The Good Candy House.” So people hand out full-size bars, or ONLY chocolate. We were looking at the kids’ baskets and feeling jealous, saying to each other, “Remember when it was all Dum-Dums and Pixie Sticks and those revolting Mary Jane things?”

1 11 2007

ethans oma: I hope you are aware that if you get three FREE cases of ice cream bars, you’d better think of a way to transport some of that booty down my way come Thanksgiving.

Swistle: That’s the one I forgot to mention: the revolting Mary Janes! Except… I kinda liked those awful Mary Janes and the way they stuck in my teeth for DAYS. I’m so ashamed…

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