Psychological Analysis

4 10 2007

Ethan’s little personality develops more and more everyday, and it is so cool to watch. Like every other little kid, he says and does things that are just hilarious (though more so to me, being his mother, than to just the average Joe on the street, I admit that). For example, I asked him the other day what he was going to name his new Boyd’s Bear, and his answer was “Baby brodder.” Apparently I ask him all the time what he thinks we should name his new baby brother, and that’s where this answer came from. Or there’s his bath time ritual of yelling “BOOBIES!” at the top of his lungs and laughing hysterically, over and over again. Or, when about to be scolded for something, his new standby answer as to why he did whatever naughty thing he did: “Daddy does it.” Kids are adorable and edible and squishy when they’re babies, but they’re so much more fun at this age when they can, you know, interact with you.

For a craft the other day, Ethan “made” a collage (he pointed to things in the magazine that struck his fancy, I cut them out; he pointed where they were to go on the paper, I glued them to their assigned seats). What’s so cool about the finished product is that you can totally see Ethan’s personality in it. Well, I can, at least. I thought it’d be interesting to put my very professional psychological skills to the test here and analyze the collage, to see what exactly we can conclude about Ethan and who he is…

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A: (I think this is a USB flash drive made to look like Jack White of the White Stripes… I think)

Professional Analysis: Ethan’s idol; he hopes to be a famous rock star someday, and to cavort with his drum-playing sister who’s not really his sister. We’ve been aware of this career choice since he was about 9 months old.

B: (Maggie Simpson)

Professional Analysis: Here I think Ethan is expressing his longing for a sibling whom he will be a role model to, as well as best friend. They will never, ever fight.

C: (Diet Coke logo)

Professional Analysis: Ethan picked this one because it is one of 7 caffeinated beverages in a can that he can proudly name. Forget ABC’s and one, two, three’s; my kid knows his pop.

D: (cell phone)

Professional Analysis: He takes his independence very seriously and is trying to grow up too fast. He loves to “Ello Daddy” (what he says when he wants to call Jeff at work) on my phone all the time, and is trying to tell me that he thinks he’s responsible enough for his own.

E: (Honda Element)

Professional Analysis: Again with the subtle hints that he’s a big boy and not a baby. (To that I say, Then wipe your OWN butt!)

F: (Decepticon)

Professional Analysis: Clearly, he is expressing his goal of world domination. Also, that he thinks robots are way cooler than humans.

G: (mustache)

Professional Analysis: I think he saw part of an episode of “My Name is Earl” once, and liked what he saw.

H: (The Spice Girls, circa 1996)

Professional Analysis: “Scary girls,” he said when he saw them. “Should I cut them out?” I asked. “Legs,” he answered. “Leeeegs.” There’s nothing to analyze here, people.

I: (Alvin and the Chipmunks)

Professional Analysis: Ethan pointed at them and declared them “dilly” (still no progress with those s’s), so my guess is that we won’t have to worry about him being in a boy band someday.

J: (Mr. Fred Rogers)

Professional Analysis: The inclusion of Mr. Rogers shows us that Ethan is comfortable with older folks, sweaters, and public transportation, such as the trolley. Not sure what this has to do with anything.

K: (Donut with sprinkles, a la Homer Simpson)

Professional Analysis: Obviously: mmm, donuts. Perhaps he’ll have a big ‘ol belly to compliment that mustache one day.

L: (a boy and his dog)

Professional Analysis: Um, he wants a dog? That’s all I’ve got.

M: (bullseye)

Professional Analysis: Ethan has inherited his mother’s obsession with Target, and anything that resembles their logo is cause for excitement, because it means we will inevitably BUY! THINGS! Sadly, I think this is his favorite part of the whole collage.

N: (M&M)

Professional Analysis: The potty reward; Ethan is expressing his desire to obtain rewards (i.e., eat candy) without having to actually to do the work (i.e., learn to use the potty).

O: (cartoon rat), P: (cartoon monkey)

Professional Analysis: Perhaps he inherited his father’s artistic abilities and (merely as Plan B; everyone needs a backup plan in case dreams of rock stardom fall through) will one day be rolling in the dough (some of which he will be passing along to his dear mother and father to support their craft and video game habits, undoubtedly) thanks to his job at Pixar. Or perhaps a compassionate veterinarian?

Q: (star)

Professional Analysis: See A.

R: (McDonald’s arches)

Professional Analysis: He’s eaten there twice in his whole life. I think he’s telling us that he would appreciate more Happy Meals, and less years of living.

S: (limes)

Professional Analysis: He’d like a cold margarita?

T, U: (girl, Conan O’Brien)

Professional Analysis: This one I find most intriguing. In reference to the picture of the girl, Ethan said “Girl a mess,” when I asked if we should cut her out. When I tried to turn the page, he wouldn’t let me, just kept going on about how she needed a bath. Conclusion: he likes to be clean, messes are “yucky.”

Ethan said yes when I asked about Conan, and when I asked him why he said “Hair. Man has hair.” Conclusion: Ethan wishes he had hair, too. No more letting Jeff shave his head!

In the process of arranging the pictures on the paper to be glued down, he insisted that the messy girl and the man with the hair be next to each other because they were, according to him, “best frenns.” No clue where he got this from. Of course, he also pulled his chicken nugget apart at lunch today and declared that the pieces in each hand were best friends, too. Who knows?

All I can be sure of is that in a few years’ time, Ethan will be a 5-year-old with a mustache and big belly, working at Pixar or touring the world with his band (just plain ‘band’, not boy band, mind you), on his way to world domination. Hopefully he’ll have learned to say his s’s by then.


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3 responses

4 10 2007
ethans oma

What ?? no pictures that have anything to do with baseball ?? you need a new magazine, that’s MY professional opinion..

4 10 2007
AndreAnna

Oh, I could so use a margarita. This was such a cute idea!

4 10 2007
Swistle

That is SO COOL.

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