One of THOSE days

20 09 2007

I should preface this by saying that while I complain a lot about the discomforts of pregnancy, I am grateful for every moment of pain, every kick to the bladder, everything that tells me that my baby is healthy and thriving. The pain I experienced back in February when I miscarried has not been forgotten, and I know how lucky Jeff and I are to have conceived again so quickly, and how blessed we are with this healthy pregnancy. It hasn’t escaped my attention that had we not miscarried, we’d be welcoming a child any day now; we may already have done so. It’s that pain that makes me cherish the life inside me that much more. My point, in case it didn’t come across in all that rambling, is that even though I complain, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Complaining on my blog is just how I vent when I’m stressed or frustrated.

That being said, today SUCKED. Instead of waiting till late afternoonish to show up, the pain in my lower back arrived before we’d even hit lunchtime. So when Jeff got home for his hour to eat with us, I couldn’t even make Ethan a PB&J. All I could do was sit on the couch and cry. And the more I cried, the more I berated myself as nothing but a useless lump. Useless because I can’t even take my toddler outside to play- it’s impossible for me to chase him, bend down to his level, interact with him in anyway more than verbally. (And when the person you’re talking to speaks a different language than you (Toddlerese is a recognized language, you know), that makes for No Fun.) Useless because I can’t even make him his lunch. Useless because I can’t even pick him up.

And a lump because unless I want to drug myself with the Percocet while I’m the responsible caregiver in charge, then the only way to keep the pain at bay is to recline on the couch. Which means that Ethan watches PBS and Nick, Jr. from breakfast to lunch. And leaves me beating myself up over the fact that I can’t provide for my family, and my son is quickly on his way to becoming a couch potato.

And thus, you have the suckage of today. And further thus, I am consoling myself with brownies and milk, heartburn and no-eating-after-8-‘o-clock-rule be damned.  It’s not like I don’t have 10 pairs of big-butted maternity pants just waiting for me to fill them out.


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4 responses

21 09 2007
AndreAnna

Wow, I’m sorry it’s so bad. Have you considered or talked to your doctor about alternative therapies, like acupuncture or chiropractors? They have prenatal specialties of both. I had acupuncture for my back pain and it was amazing the difference; however, it can be expensive, and we could no longer afford it. Sadly, in this country, percocet is cheaper. The treatment is cheaper than the preventative.

I hope you get some relief soon, and you’re not a bad mom. Worst case: it’s only three more months (of hell, I know), but that’s it. Just three months. In the span of years and years you’ll have with your children.

Feel better. And take the meds if you need them. It’s okay.

21 09 2007
Swistle

That sucks! I found it helpful to think of pregnancy as a long-term illness. No one would think it was weird that I couldn’t play outside with my kids if I had, say, mononucleosis and also stomach flu.

21 09 2007
Swistle

Also, take that medication. I know it feels weird to “give it to the baby,” but it’s safe. And if I were you, I would totally take it.

21 09 2007
Caley

AndreAnna: The only other alternative my doctor mentioned was physical therapy. But I’m going to see how things go with the Percocet and taking it easy for a few weeks before I tell him that we need another solution. Although acupuncture sounds goood; I have heard great things about it.

Swistle: Excellent point! Being pregnant is EXACTLY like having a bona fide illness! Sometimes I feel like it’s just me being lazy though. I need to change my way of thinking…

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