Yes, I fell out of *that* tree, and yes, I DID hit every branch on the way down

Today I did something I have not only never done in my entire life, but thought for sure, without a doubt, there was no way I ever would do it. My mother is going to Kill Me when she reads this: I picked up a hitchhiker.

In my defense, the incident happened 11 feet from the guard shack, which you have to go through to get to our neighborhood, since we live on a military post, with two guards present and in plain sight. Also in my defense, the man I picked up was in uniform. He asked me before getting in if I was going “that way” toward Rt. 1, and I said yes, so he asked if he could get a ride, just to the gate at the end of the road (which is a total of maybe 45 seconds of driving away from where we were). Without even thinking about it, I said sure. That gate? It’s like, 45 seconds away! You are a military man in uniform! You could just as easily be my husband! If I can help you out, then sure! Why not?

It never occurred to me to be at all suspicious or cautious or deny the guy a ride, I admit, because of the simple fact that he was in uniform. He explained to me where his company was located, and that the walk from the gate at our neighborhood to the one at the end of the road would take him 7 to 10 minutes. I thought, “In the muggy 90 degree heat, in his full uniform, and he wouldn’t even be at the hill yet (which I’ve walked before, and it is Steep and Awful)!” He thanked me about 44 times during our 45 second ride, and I assured him it was no problem, I was glad to help him out.

But. Ohhh, but. I’ve now had 12 hours to think about what I did, what I could have let happen. I allowed a complete stranger to get into my car with me and my helpless 2-year-old. WHAT WAS I THINKING? So what if he was in uniform?? He could have picked up that “uniform” at an Army Surplus store or something, it could have been a total fake, and how would I have known? I’m not the most observant person; even now, if asked to describe this man, all I would be able to tell you about him was that he wore glasses. (I think.) And that darn “uniform.” I don’t even know if it was an Army uniform- it could have been Marines for all I know. Based on that brilliant information, the police would have been searching for 99.999% OF ALL LIVING MALES IN THE AREA.

And it bothers me that while this was happening, never once was there a little voice in my head going “Hey, MORON, do you realize what you’re doing? Are you ON DRUGS? You might want to consider what you’re about to do, and NOT DO IT, idiot.” There was nothing telling me that I might be making a big fat mistake here. No negative vibes, no gut feeling. I just went merrily on my way, praising myself for having helped a guy out.

AND I did this with my 2-year-old in the car, did I mention that? The more I think about it, the more mad at myself I get. If it had been a woman instead of a man, uniform or not, I probably still would have picked her up (had I still been in the same place in our neighborhood, right next to the gate guards, that is; I wouldn’t have picked up someone somewhere random, like in the shady area down by 7100 and Burger King, for example). And if she’d been pregnant? Yep. Would have let her in the car.

But what if the pregnant belly I saw turned out to be just a pillow? You hear stories on the news all the time of crazy, desperate women who go after pregnant women so they can take their babies… And that’s exactly how it happens. Through the dumb, naive kindness of someone like me.

I swear, a person has to actually look suspicious in order for me to be suspicious of them. The crazy, desperate-for-a-baby woman isn’t going to appear crazy and desperate for a baby; she isn’t necessarily going to be rumpled and maniacal looking, pushing her cat (who is probably trying to scratch its way out of a little dress and bonnet) around in a stroller. The psychotic sickos out there don’t always remember to wear their signs that say “Hey, Caley, I know how dumb you are, so don’t forget: I’m psychotic, and a sicko. Watch out for me.”

I am very angry with myself tonight. The last couple weeks I’ve been making some pretty stupid, careless mistakes. And I know that 97% of them can be blamed on the pregnancy; I got the same way around this time with my last pregnancy (though I have to say, my dumbest mistakes involved locking myself out of the car and needing Jeff to leave work and rescue my stranded butt, NOT putting my life and the lives of my children in danger). My brain really does seem to be turning to mush. I’m starting to think that I should make one last trip out into the world (with a chaperone, of course; clearly my judgment skills cannot be trusted) to purchase supplies (chips, candy bars, shampoo, yarn and the seventh Harry Potter book ought to do it) for the next 6 or 7 months, and just not leave the house again until the baby is a few months old.