Weekend Update (with an excess of parentheses)

23 07 2006

*After going to the doctor, I’ve learned… nothing. I may be suffering from Celiac disease (the word “disease” tacked on there makes it sound so horrible… basically it’s an allergy to gluten, which is found in just about every food imaginable), which would explain why I’ve been sick for so long, and why I’ve lost some weight. Or it could just be a virus or a parasite (ew.)

They sent me home with a goodie bag (which at first was just a bunch of goodies (including, as its known in the business, my very own HAT; more on that later) without the bag- I had to beg them for a grocery bag, a freaking Safeway bag, anything, so that I didn’t have to carry my hat around like a big fat sign (“MY NAME IS CALEY AND THIS MY HAT. WHEN I GET HOME I WILL POOP IN IT.”), to which the nurse replied, “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t promise ya nothin’.”) and instructions to collect seven (SEVEN!) stool samples. They also took blood, and will examine that as well as my seven stinky presents and get back to me.

In the meantime, the doctor advised me to cut gluten out of my diet completely. That means, basically, that I can’t eat anything (except fruit and vegetables- seriously- check out this list of forbidden foods). I’m a little worried about that, because, you know, I enjoy eating. We’ll see how that goes.

bubble_boy_2.jpg*Jeff’s sister Megan arrived last night, and we had some fun playing with bubbles this morning, and we went grocery shopping. Try to contain yourself, I know how exciting our day sounds. Hopefully we’ll be able to find something to do whlie she’s here. All I could suggest was Gymboree, the park, storytime at the library, and Mommy and Baby swim class. Megan didn’t seem too inerested in any of these things, I can’t understand why.

*Friday night I finally bought some hornet spray. Until then, it was nearly impossible to walk into or out of our house without first having to run through the swarm that hangs out smoking by our front door (and trust me, to see me try to run up the stairs while holding a diaper bag, my ginormous purse, a 20 pound chunker on my nonexistent hip, and the various other things I normally hold is both amusing and scary at the same time). Jeff did the spraying of the beasts, and when he came back inside he told me that he had inadvertantly sprayed the stuff on the neighbor kid’s toys. My suggestion was to go let them know, or get a rag and go back and wipe them down. He insisted it was fine, and went on to say “I’d better go change though- I think I got some on my clothes, and the can said it was poisenous if absorbed through the skin.” Little Robby’s tricycle and pogo stick, though? Nah, they’re “fine” covered in poisenous, smoking-hornet-killing juice.

*Last night, right after I sucked in my bottom lip, stuck out my top teeth, I asked Jeff: “Would you still love me if I looked like this?” (I’m always doing things like that; I need constant encourgement that if I ever lose any limbs in a freak farming accident, or if I’m ever involved in a horrible knitting accident (more horrible than that time Dave impaled my thigh with a straight size 10, I mean), Jeff would still want me to play video games with him.) Jeff’s answer? “Of course. No matter what, we’ll be together. It’s like… we were paired together after answering a series of personality-probing questions on eHarmony. That’s how meant to be we are.”

*Ever seen those Secret deodorant commercials featuring women sharing their deepest, darkest secrets? I just saw one where this woman told her best friend that way back when they were ripe young thangs, she had to bribe her brother to get him to take her friend out. Her brother and friend eventually got married. It was cute. Got me wondering if the secrets we see are real, so I checked out their site, and they do appear to be authentic. You can also share your own secret on the site (anonymously, if you’d prefer), and for every secret shared, Secret will donate $1 to Dress for Success. Plus, you can read through all the secrets everyone else has shared on the site. My favorite so far: “I watch the Disney Channel even where there aren’t any little kids around.”

My secret? I have been sitting on the couch for the past three and a half hours watching the Miss Universe pageant (Uraguay,won, by the way- Japan was robbed!). Oh what a pathetic waste of Ethan-free time that was.


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