Help Wanted

14 03 2006


My parents have been on my back A LOT lately. They are constantly on me to learn to crawl (nevermind the fact that I’ve already mastered standing up; they want me to reduce myself to crawling- on all fours, like I’m some kind of animal or something!).

Yesderday, they actually made a rule that they were not going to pick me up at all unless it was to feed me or change my diaper (in hopes that I would get sick of just sitting there on the floor doing nothing, and eventually start rolling around, leading up to me crawling). HA! I let ’em have it and their new “rule” lasted all of 17 minutes.

But it’s not just the crawling thing. They’re always pestering me to “Dance!” or some other corny trick. It’s getting really old, really fast. What do they think I am, their pet monkey? Puh-lease.

So, I’ve decided to look into hiring a stunt double. Here are my requirements:
-Must be adorable.
-Must be between the ages of 7 and 11 months.
-Must have a mullet (or be able to grow one).
-Must not fart.
-Must have two bottom front teeth.
-Must know how to fake laugh (my parents think they’re hilarious, and I let them think that I agree).
-Must be able to, on command, perform these stunts:

-Dance.
-Clap.
-High five.
-Shake head “no”.
-Crawl (most important)

*Not required, but will definitely get you the job: Saying “ma ma.” May even get you a new toy.

Unfortunately, I will not be able to pay whomever I end up hiring. However, even though you’ll have to put up with my parents bothering you to perform your stunts, you will get lots and lots of hugs. They like to hug.

All interested parties: post your resumé’s in the comments section. Thank you.


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2 responses

21 03 2006
Hallie

Ethan your search for applicants is going as well as my search for a job.

22 03 2006
Caley

maybe you should do both of you a favor and apply to be ethan’s stunt double instead. how well do you think you could play a 9 month old boy? 😉

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